There was a dragonfly in my dream last night(night of New Year’s Eve). I don’t think I’ve ever had a dream about a dragonfly before. It was a very determined dragonfly — quite majestic and beautiful in it’s appearance. But I was afraid of it. And it seemed to be on a very specific mission to land on me. It’s not clear if it was meaning to harm me. The details of the dream are hard to remember, but my sense from what I can recall is that the dragonfly wanted to land on me for good rather than for evil. Hopefully, dreaming about dragonflies means something good.
In other news — a new year has begun…
Peace to one and all. I hope you’re all in a safe place to start this new year. I meant to publish this post on January 1st, but there’s so much going on right now. I think that the dragonfly dream was symbolic of change that is coming. Some of it will be challenging, but all of it will be opportunity for me to face my fears and grow the courage to hold my hand out and let the dragonfly land in my palm. There is something scary about some aspects of a dragonfly. But there is also something beautiful.
I am feeling at peace and grateful for another day to live and be alive. In this specific moment I’m aware that I have everything I need and, like my dear friend Valentin (Tino) used to say before his life changed due to a horrific experience he endured that caused him to disconnect and stop keeping up our friendship, everything else is extra. I haven’t spoken to Valentin in so long.
I just discovered (literally just now after writing what I just wrote above) that Valentin (Tino) passed away in October 2022. I thought to Google his name, which I’ve done ever so often since we fell out of contact. I would know he was still alive this way. And that would be enough. Unfortunately, but understandably due to the nature of the event that changed his life, my calls to his phone would always go to voicemail. Sadly, when I googled him just now, I discovered he has passed.
This post was started on January 1st, so much of it was previously written. I will try to maintain the spirit in which I was writing before I made this sad discovery about my friend Tino. The last I will say on that note is that Tino was one of the realest, kindest, friendliest human beings I’ve ever met in my life. Forgive me for feeling the need to share. If it’s too much sharing, I fully understand if you must abort reading here and now. Tino and I met many years ago when he purchased a license to use an app I had built back in the day when I was a web software developer. He needed help setting up the app, and, we both being alien in our individual way, the exchange between us was as easy and familiar as if we’d known each other our entire lives. We became virtual friends and remained friends for many years. But Tino’s life changed in a way that is not my place to discuss. Something tragic happened and he was not able to continue on with life as if everything was the same. The last time I spoke to him was in 2016. He was still struggling with what had happened and he just did not have extra energy to keep up with our friendship. He himself confided he had been forever changed by what had occurred. He did not say to me that he needed to sever ties with some of the things and people from his life before the tragic event, but it eventually became clear when years passed and all of my attempts to reach him went unanswered–my voicemail messages either never heard or simply ignored. Knowing what I do of what happened to Tino, and knowing some little thing of Tino’s heart, I understood that this was necessary for him and I was just happy each time I found his name and saw that he was still among the living. He was the kind of person, and his the kind of friendship that you know he holds you dearly in his heart where it is possible for him to do so. You know that he would remember you forever and always love you in the truest spirit of friendship. So I never felt deeply injured by his choice to break contact. I always knew he was right here in my heart. The discovery of his passing is a reminder to me of what I wrote at the end of this post on January 1st. The nature of life is transient. No one is permanent. Tino’s influence in my life was profound and will be ever lasting. It was he who recommended to me that I read Don Miguel Ruiz’s “The Four Agreements”, a book that contained within it a very simple concept that transformed my approach to life and made everything I do today possible. I hope that I will remember him until the day I die. Thank you for everything Tino. Rest In peace.
Now back to the post…
I’ve finished out 2022 by starting work on 3 songs that use music composed by Genuist. I first discovered Genuist’s music around 2019 or 2020 searching for hip hop style classical compositions on YouTube. I was dreaming about creating a musical and I was looking for music that would help me reach that higher level of consciousness wherein the human capacity for greatness lies. I was working on developing the main character and choreographing a dance for her and I wanted to be able to dance with the level of ease and fluidity at which I feel myself capable. For that I needed music that would inspire me as needed to feel on the level necessary for achieving my goal. I found Genuist’s music not only helped me express myself in dance more easily and fluidly, it also inspired me to improvise songs that I thought would be great for the musical I wanted to create.
I did not imagine I would actually ever have an opportunity to create songs with any of his compositions. However, unless something interferes with my plans, my first release in 2023 will be a song that is based on one of his compositions titled Fade. And hopefully the other two songs will work out as well. I’ve been filled with nothing but joy as I’ve been working on these songs. It’s wonderful to be able to feel inspired even while life challenges your will and seems to try to break you. There are so many challenging things going on in my life personally at the moment and in the world at large, but I feel as if I am growing stronger from it all, and I am so grateful for every character building experience. I’m truly looking forward to taking on the challenges and trying to shape and mold the gray amorphous lump of clay that is my life into a beautiful and majestic dragonfly.
I’m grateful for every lesson learned over the last few years. Even those learned at the expense of my dignity and my self respect. I know the nature of life is transient. Nothing is forever, good or bad. Change is inevitable, and the hardest challenges are yet to come for me. But so, possibly, are the greatest joys.
That’s all for now. Happy New Year.