For they could not love you

adelamonica independent artist singer songwriter

But still your love was true…

Title of post and above quote are lyrics from Vincent by Don Mclean

I’ve spent the better part of this Saturday in deep thought. I’ve mostly been thinking about reality as it relates to my music. I’m preparing to (hopefully) release my second album in the next few weeks or months. It really depends on the last two songs and how they turn out. I’m hopeful they will turn out okay and that I’ll get them back before April ends. In which case I should be able to release the album in May.

I still don’t know what I’m going to name the album. I suppose I could be working on that in the meantime. And maybe I’ll start brainstorming some cover ideas. It’s tempting to just treat the whole thing like it doesn’t really even matter. And philosophically speaking, it really does not matter. But I do think that there’s more of a psychological reason I’m feeling reluctant to care very much. And it has to do with other people’s voices in my head telling me that I’m wasting time and money and telling me that I can’t sing and my songs are terrible. Primarily for that reason, I think it’s important that, regardless of the philosophical point that it really does not matter in reality, I must treat the upcoming release like it does in fact matter.

Sometimes it can be a harsh and painful struggle to come up with a song, whether coming up with one out of thin air or coming up with a vocal melody and lyrics for a preexisting instrumental. I go through some dark places at times during the song creation process. There are several songs on the upcoming album that cost me many nights of going through brutal anguish before the song finally came to light. So, regardless what people might think of my songs, I need to always remember the times when I thought I would never manage to come out of the dark places with my sanity in tact, much less with a finished song. And I need to be of a mindset to value and treasure each and every one of my songs. And when I put them out into the world, I need to do so with the knowledge and recognition that they are precious pieces of me–pieces of my heart and mind and soul that must always be given my love and protection and defense and celebration.

My songs haven’t yet made me any money and they haven’t won me very many fans, but that is not what decides the worth of them. So I must and I will fight against the impulse to treat the release of any of my music like it doesn’t deserve even my own celebration.